ijaazat

guzare mukammal ehsaaso se
na beete hai woh lamhe,
beeti adhoori baaton se
na jeete hai woh sapne;

ek woh din tha jab saari hawaayein
humaare pyaar ki dastaan gungunaati thi,
ek yeh din hai jab saare shaam-o-saher
gumsum se baithe hai ek kone mein;
lehron talle kadam badhte hai re'th par,
lekin peeche mudkar chode nishaano ko
dekhne ki hasrat nahi hai palti;
raahon mein guzare manzil shaayad apne hi the,
guzar gaye,
hum chup rahe;
bas ek lafz ki kami thi us lamhe mein,
tumne kadam aage badhaaye,
main dekhta raha;
tumne shaayad chaaha ki ek sparsh tumhe roke,
main rukta raha;

ajeeb kashmakash se bhari hai yeh zindagi -
bujhti nahi jab dhua bhi khatam hone ko hai,
par, tamannaye paani mein bulbule bankar phir tairne ko nikle hai;
main is pal jo idhar hoon khara,
karu kya?
kambakhth, yeh mohabbat hai jo bichadti hi nahi;
kii to thi maine bhi laakh koshish
tumhe bhulaane ko, tumhe mitaane ko,
to phir, kyon woh saare manzar
dobaara is zehn mein halki si haseen paate hai?
kyon woh saare vaade
in hoton par ek dafa phir gaate hai?
yeh kaisa maraasim hai -
na aage badta hai, na peeche mudna chaahta hai

mukammal ehsaaso se
beete lamhe shaayad ab bhi vahi khade hai;
adhoori baatein shaayad
aaj sapne poore karne ko chale hai;
ek halki si muskuraahat namn aankhon mein bhi
kitni haseen lagti hai,
in lamho se dekho zaraa;
ek mehki si sarsaraahat jhuke hue shaakhon mein bhi
kitni rangeen lagti hai,
in jazbo se poocho zaraa;
yeh saare din shaayad gine nahi the maine,
tumhe aaj dekhkar, ginne ki khwaaish bhi nahi;
do kadam ki doori par jo aaj khadi ho tum,
na ek bhi kadam ab peeche badhaana;
jo lafzon ko dhoondte hai honth aaj humaare,
is khamoshi mein hi tum sab samajh jaana;

ek choti si ijaazat maangta hoon main tumse -
woh mohabbat ab talak bichdi nahi hai humse,
bichadne bhi mat dena...

complete?

What does it take to be complete?

Does anybody have the answer? How many of us feel complete? We have the richest of cars, the best of houses, people to walk with us...yet do we feel complete?

I do not feel complete. I stay in a house where I hardly meet Mom & Dad. My sister and I hardly have a relation close to what it usually is defined to be. We hardly interact. Dad, I'm sure, wants me to live the life that he had always dreamed of whenever he did. But, I'm sure he is beginning to get a clue that his son has begun dreaming too! About Mom, I really don't know what to say. I guess every son loves his Mom the most...however indescribable the relation might be. We are a "family" of 4 living in this great locality of this city. Each of us has our own rooms and each (atleast me) has created a part of his/her world in their respective rooms.

Lately, I've felt a difference...in myself. I've felt lonely. I've felt the need to expand my world. People will say...it will with time, with time things settle etc...but I really feel the need...strongly. Have you ever imagined how it would be in vacuum? Have you ever imagined how it would be if you were left alone in a place where there is absolutely no smell of any kind, no taste of any sort, no sight to go beyond? Why have I begun feeling so?

If I want, I can have everything! I have always believed in living the moment...and more in loving it! I love this moment. I love being alive. I love breathing these thoughts. I love everything. Yet, there is something missing that I quest. There is something that I seek to explore beyond this height that has been mentioned to me as the highest. Is that justified? Am I too?

What is the circle beyond geometries? What are the words beyond dialects? Whom are we stopping? And why are drawing the restrictions? Can we take the step ahead of the finishing line? Does it really matter if you are the first in the race? Isn't it worth just exploring?

I love this moment where I get to think. I do not want to be happy all the time...neither do I want to be sobbing often! I do not want to hate people...neither do I want to love them all. I do not want to be a Gandhi...neither do I want to be Adolf. But, what I do want to do is explore these thoughts that are taking the steps with me. I feel lonely today...I love it! I feel content tomorrow...I admire it. I feel empty and restless the day after...I accept it!

I guess that is what it all boils down to...acceptance. Acceptance to the fact that life is beyond geometrical figures and Aristotle thoughts. Life is beyond the highest peaks and the deep blue skies. Life is beyond completing the puzzles. Life is beyond the crowds, the solitude and the faces you live with. Life is where you accept it all and walk ahead. Life is where your thoughts smile with you even when you aren't. Life is where you step ahead and look back and keep writing the next chapters. Life is where you want it to be. After all, it is the writers who ultimately script the characters...

...and tell me, had life been complete, would you need these writers?